.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Terrible idea I love it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
