Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
