he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
