i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
