haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
