Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
