can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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