I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
