just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
