I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
