The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
