the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
