I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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