thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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