so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
