I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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