I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
