i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
