who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
They took my balls.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
