Im at strip club and am horny
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
