Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
