All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
