whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
