i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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