quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
