Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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