I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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