508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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