guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
