Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
