her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
