Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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