Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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