I hate all girls vehemently.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
