SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
