Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
