Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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