i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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