I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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