Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
