What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
