bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
