wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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