Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
