once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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