she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
