I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize