I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
