Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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