I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
