: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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