There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
