Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
