I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
