you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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