this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
